Friday 6 September 2024

Waking Up

it's difficult 
to wake up from a dream
the sudden realisation that 
it was just a dream
is maddening
dreams are no more dreams
as often I watch over myself 
while dreaming 
it's disheartening 
it's not another world
where you are happy, sad
bickering, pathetic, miserable
it's here and now
so frustrating
what you thought was attainable
is perhaps a figment of your
imagination....no more reachable 
because it's not a dream any longer
it's here and now here and now 
don't scream out of anger
or disappointment 
it's your late realisation 
that you forgot to figure out
it's no more a dream
the world knew and therefore 
it never stopped moving away
taking a course different 
you stagnated because 
you thought it was just a dream


Saturday 3 August 2024

My Neighbour



Sharp 12.00 PM
Afternoon 
She is there
Nosing around 
Poking, peeping,
Irritating ... 
Curious as ever 

"Too much of curiosity is not good"
Like water falling on stone
It has no effect on her
"What you reading?"
She asks, her eyes sharp, shrewd
Brows puckered in an ugly frown
"A book...a novel.."
"What about?"
"About a married girl being blackmailed about her past..."
She snorted...
"As usual, old story..."
"It's interesting ", I said
" Must be,"She smirked,
" Everybody is interested in other's business,"
I look at her pointedly 
She shrugs 
"Why don't they write about the futility of everything.... conquests and bloodbaths...
we are making history they say.....all rubbish "
"Yes, all rubbish! That is why it's not written about"
She puts her head down almost kissing her chest
"All rubbish! All rubbish!" She suddenly shrieks,
A cackle of laughter follows
Cacophonous....
I object but by then she is gone 

At 12.00 PM
Every afternoon 
She comes uninvited 
Sitting on the leafy branch
Of my Chameli tree
Surveys the world around knowledgeably 
Makes a few caustic comments about humans and their follies
Flies away spreading her wings wide

Perhaps
To peep in some other windows 
And collect the leftovers of
Gossips and whispers 
Of mellowed pain 

I don't hide my feelings 
She can't care less
Yet, if she is late 
I look at the clock
And check the time

Is it not 12.00 PM ?
How come she is not here
My neighbour 
Infallible Mrs Crow...


Saturday 27 July 2024

Last Minute

Sooner we end this the better
The tomfoolery
The bickerings 
The fake smiles
The real tears
The abrupt touch
Of the hands
The dismal longings 
Of togetherness 
The hopes
The disappointments 
The disillusioned dreams
The loss , the pain 
Of losing
The aches, the burns 
The haunting memories 
The fear of knowing
The truth
The exaltations
The exuberances
The excitements
Of rapid heartbeats
The fading happiness 
The hurried parting
The last minute goodbye
Sooner it ends the better


Friday 19 July 2024

One Day


One day 
I shall call myself 
Home
Sit across you
And sing a heart to heart 
Song

I have
So many questions to ask 
Hoping after hope
For honest replies
To the mysteries unresolved
To the dark side veiled
By  crooked smiles
To the tears unshed
To the wound untreated
To the pain unembalmed

I guess
You will open up to me 
And I perhaps eagerly  to you
Till we find the fulcrum 
On which to balance 
Our tears and smiles
Pains and relief
Wounds and sutures

Till then
We shall seek moments of truth
Unto ourselves 
With hearts half healed
Flesh half scarred
Notes unmusical 
Lyrics jarred
Thoughts unrevealed 
Unsaid, unfelt, unspoken 
Squashed
Mysteries unveiled
Yet far apart

One day
You and I will be one

Till then....

The quest continues
Unembarked

One day
I will bring you 
Home
You and I
Together 
Shall build a nest
Of songs and lyrics 
Of your and mine

One day...




Sunday 28 April 2024

At Sixty

At sixty
I am still not consumed forever
Life still flickers
Though not inflammable
It's peculiar strength
Comes from bygone years
By now I should have given up
On having a heart....yet I am not heart-less
Till now.... nor am I green with envy
Of those who possess sweeter memories 
Of days gone by and left in hand
Nor do I yearn for my baby teeth
To show off the whiteness of my soul
Virgin in its longings

At sixty
I am my own self 
A little bitter...a wee bit better than
My former self with roots firmer still

Stretching to the ocean 
Where all tributaries mingle
And loose their own selves
In shape, colour, creed of being human

Friday 19 April 2024

Vignettes

emptying out
a magpie's nest
winter memories

***
how softly 
leaves kiss the dust
still spring 

***

chasing shades
summer noons....of
thirsty birdbaths

***

leaves..........some green
now red.......now brown
how little I know myself 










Sunday 24 March 2024

The Suitcase



I once owned a suitcase
The one which you wouldn't find now
It was sturdy and strong 
The top had a brown cloth lining
With leather patches in the corners

It was lockable with a click 
A prominent sound made
When unlocked too
The inside was blue the hue of infinity 
And spacious too

I stored my precious gems in there
Only a few.....the epics, Ramayana
And Mahabharata, Shakespeare,
Ben Hur, Three Muskateers,
Engrossing translated versions
For children with beautiful pictures
On glazed papers in between 

I read the stories again and again
Deeply inhaled the fragrance 
Of yellowed pages...stared at the
Pictures for hours and hours
Time travelling to be with them
When Ben Hur rode the chariot
And M'Lady smiled mysteriously
Hanuman blazed down Lanka
And the Pandavas battled against
Their brothers....I lived and re-lived
The tales with unforgettable characters

Then I lost to time the suitcase
And my treasures in transit to
Another .... of survival of the fittest 
But it's smell and warmth 
Still remained with me and became
Stronger from memory to living reality

I know as I grow younger by heart
And older by age...the trove shall
Return to me with divine grace
Because that's the rule of the Universe
As linear proceeds time we humans move
Backwards from branches to branches
To slender twigs to wizardry of stems 
And then the roots spread deep within
The bosom of the Earth where all of us
Shall sleep at last with Macbeth, Othello,
Hamlet, Ram, Arjun and the rest