Mother must have laid cold and cramped
When the umbilical cord was being shorn
Father calculated the planetary position
And my horoscope was born
"She will bring back the lost glory"
Pronounced he and continued harping the Same till I believed in it
I was just a small child
If by glory he meant the furniture
He had to sell off or the jewelry
My mother wore in her photos
He was somewhat correct
But if it indicated something beyond that
I am not so sure
But I was tied to his words since the day
I could make some sense of my existence
The paths I took were too narrow, too wide,
Too steep, too crisscrossed
But I persevered
Because I was supposed to be the
Beacon of their life
Bound by my image I tripped, I fell,
I persevered again so that I could tell
I have won, I have proven
The forecast made
When I had uttered the first cry of life
The destiny that was drawn out
And my journey that was charted
Even before it began
"Masochist," my sister would say
"Vulnerable", I replied
I pretended to be brave
When I felt the most shaken
I blazed with anger
When it hurt the most
Scarred when recognition
Came my way all too late
Yet I perpetuated the false hope
In the hope to be the glimmer of hope
In lives flustered by hopelessness
Yet on some moonless nights
Stepping over my own shadow
I wonder what life could have been
If I were not what I was culled out to be
Stronger, braver, lighter and perhaps happier?
Had life let me travel back in time
Would I have had the heart to desist,
"I am not what you make me out to be"
Let me just be the trailing shadow
And walk in peace
Not the blazing torch you have
Turned me out to be?
(*) It is customary in our culture to draw the horoscope of a newly born child as per exact time and place of birth. In olden times it entailed long mathematical calculations to derive the planetary position during birth time which would influence the life's journey of a person till death.
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